Love should be enough

They won't stop. The tears will come at any moment's notice. I'll be sitting in my chair on the computer with my iTunes playing and suddenly I feel my muscles clenching and the hot, salty tears begin anew. Sure I cry when I think about it, but I'm getting to the point where I could distract myself briefly...or so I thought.

So many things are still running through my head. I did manage to say some of the things I knew I needed to get out and hard questions I almost couldn't get out of my throat. I could've said more, asked a few more questions...but while he was sitting next to me, some just didn't come out.

I had to ask it. I asked if he still loved me. He said he never stopped. But he also said sometimes love isn't enough. I was too busy trying to get a hold of my convulsions to yell back, WHY? Why isn't it? If you love a person, that love should influence the decisions and choices you make...so how could it have come to this?

I suppose I'm supposed to take solace in that fact that this wasn't an on-going affair. It was one night. But still...

His guilt racked him for the next week before he told me. That was the vibe I was picking up on. I didn't know what was bothering him until Monday. He says he wanted to tell me sooner, but this last weekend I had a reunion to attend and he was my date...so naturally he didn't think it was good timing for this to come out right before that. I guess I should give him a small ounce of credit for telling me and being honest instead of keeping it a secret that could one day resurface in the most ugly way after we moved in together.

I am still sorting out my emotions. I've told him I want to forgive him, but trust is going to take a long time to build back up, and he has to promise to prove to me that he's going to earn it back. I really hope that seeing me in such despair will knock him to his senses should anything happen in the future. He said nothing has ever made him cry so much as this. He seems sincere, I think I still believe him when he says he's always loved me and will love me always. I just hope that my reaction and pain will be his lesson learned.

Btw: Love SHOULD be enough.