Lunch with the ex

The now ex-boyfriend who I had lunch with Sunday was dressed up. I did not expect that at all. He was wearing the nice long-sleeve button up shirt for work that I had bought him several months ago, tucked in with a belt. Wow. This from the guy who once took me shopping in his wife-beater. His hair was trimmed too. He looked nice. His brown eyes were amplified by the brown shirt he wore. He also looked tired. He said he'd been sick and still felt kind of blah. But being tired, kind of softened his eyes too.

Frick. He was adorable.

I had sweated over what to wear. I didn't want to look TOO nice, lest he think I was desperately hoping he'd notice because I want him back so badly. No no. Can't have that look. Mostly because I don't want him back right now. (Perhaps in the future when he's matured and decides that if he wants me in his life as more than a friend, and has altered his bad habits to woo me back...and given that I'm still single...then maybe I would. But not now.) But I also didn't want to dress down too much either. It was Sunday afterall and we were meeting at an Italian restaurant. So I opted for a very nice white blouse with my skinny jeans. But upon seeing him, I felt under-dressed. But for the record, he thought I dressed up too. Whew.

There was no relationship talk. But it was still awkward in the beginning. It almost felt like a first date! And there was a moment here and there where... well you know, I could tell he missed me. I almost wish I had shown that I missed him too. And now I keep thinking about him.

I know I can't get back together with him. And my friends tell me this too. I suppose it was harder to see him so soon after all. But I didn't get that anxious, butterfly, falling-sensation in my chest when I saw him. That's a good indicator that I'm probably okay. If I had felt that, then that would mean trouble. (Danger, Will Robinson, danger!) That feeling in my chest would've meant that I was not over him at all yet. And seeing him would've been difficult.

When we hugged good-bye, I must admit, it felt nice. Very nice. (Sigh.)