Healing begins

Day 4: Wounds are scabbing over.

But I'm gonna have scars. I am feeling better. Last night I went over to his place when he got off work. Despite everything, I still wanted to see him; but I still felt kinda awkward at first. It took me a moment standing outside his door before I knocked. He asked if there was anything else I needed to say or ask him. So I took the opportunity to tell him that I was angry at him for the obvious reasons, that I felt like the wind was knocked out of me, but also because I had felt like we were so close to taking that next big step by moving in together, and now, I have no idea when or if that will happen. We were so far in our relationship and now it seems we have to start all over again...and it's his fault.

He said that I make him happy, and all he wants to do is make me happy, and that I'm the sweetest girl and there was no worse thing he could've done to hurt me than what he did. I said, I would agree. He then said that he wants to tell me he loves me and do sweet things, but wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet. I was glad to hear him say that because I was just thinking about the "I love you" on the phone in my last post.

My answer? I said that I didn't feel ready to say it back yet, but I would like to hear it from him. He's the one who screwed up and he needs to be showing that he's sorry and loves me and is going to make things right between us. I need to feel loved and wanted and he needs to prove to me that this is what he wants. If he wants to keep me, he should show it.

So last night, we lounged and watched TV and he held me. He later on said that he wanted to kiss me and my neck, all like he used to, but waited to see if that's what I wanted. And it wasn't. I wasn't ready to just start pretending this didn't happen. I'm still healing and am very sore. I told him I just wanted to be held. We fell asleep for about an hour after that.

It would seem I'm on the path to recovery.